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By KimberlyWickham, October 28, 2009 11:14 am

So if it is true that on a sub-atomic level, that invisible quantum creational plane, we are creating all that we experience, whose is the reality we need to pay attention to? What if we are experiencing different things? Is reality really and truly a fact or is it subjective?

In my reality it is snowing in Denver today. I have all the physical proof I need of that because I can see it, feel it and begrudgingly shovel its effects. What if someone across the street is looking out of their window at this very moment and is looking as a sunny, summer day? I turn on the news and I see the weather people talking about the snow so they must be experiencing the same thing I am. Is it our collective belief in this snow ‘fact’ that is creating this reality for a majority of people in Denver today? Or… am I making it all up? I am ‘believing’ it is snowing today, therefore it is.

Let’s go a little deeper… if the person across the street is seeing that sunny day he is ‘believing’ that, right? How do I know that on his news station the weather people aren’t reporting a sunny, summer day? Could both be happening at the same time? What??? Is there a parallel universe just over there in that other dimensional plane that I, in my current physical, low (dense) vibrational state, cannot access?

I actually like to think so. As a child I remember staring up at the clouds from my prone position on the grass, hands behind my head, one knee flopped over the other, imagining things like this. I even had a counter-ego, ‘make-believe’ friend whom I used to imagine living an opposite kind of life. She was having a winter day while I was dozing in the afternoon summer sun. She was bigger than I was and stronger, too as I remember. I imagined her as being part of me in a way, yet living in an alternate universe, not exactly a parallel one. Her world didn’t reflect mine exactly by any means and there were lots of times I was relieved to be living in my own world. I really believed in her. So, did she exist? How do we know?

I’ll tell you one thing, even though I can’t answer any of these questions with certainty I do know that my imaginary friend sure came in handy when I had to blame that broken dish on someone! For some reason my mother didn’t buy it…

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By KimberlyWickham, October 9, 2009 4:30 pm

How Resilient Are You?

Indeed, good question… Is this a test? It must be because daily life certainly does test us, but how do you manage when the big ones hit? Gone through divorce? Job loss? Illness? Financial H bomb?

I’ve just read a very interesting article in the November/December AARP magazine (which is weird because it is already out and it’s only the beginning of October…) entitled, “The Secrets of Resilient People,” by Beth Howard. The article states that resiliency is a hot topic for research these days because Americans have been tested to the max with wars, natural disasters and economic crisis in the last few years – as if that’s anything new!  The result of this research has outlined what it takes to be considered one of the resilient illuminati (my term… bit too dramatic, do you think?) See the actual brilliant article and the specifics on the research, please.

But here are some findings – in a nutshell:

Resilient people…

• Stay connected and reach out to others to help them through tough times. They don’t turn their phones off, crawl into bed, and pull the covers over their heads.
• Are optimistic. This is a tough one for a lot of people. Trick is not to fake it and be too happy. Nobody likes a Pollyanna! Try instead to get into the habit of ‘framing the situation in more positive terms’, to use Howard’s words. She uses the following excellent example: when opening your 401K (with or without a martini in hand… my words, not Howard’s)think about changing your investment strategy as opposed to believing you will never be able to recoup your losses.
• Are spiritual. See something outside of themselves…
• Are playful. Act like children sometimes… laugh a lot!
• Give of their time and resources. They volunteer! And at the least, they go through their cupboards/closets on a regular basis and think what they can give to those in need. Take the focus off of themselves sometimes!
• Pick their battles. They focus on what they can change instead of wallowing in what they cannot. The whingers and the whiners pull their own energy drain plugs.
• Stay healthy. They eat well and exercise – it’s all about brain chemistry folks!
• Find the silver lining. This one is a challenge for some, for sure! When you feel so down it is quite difficult to see what good might come out of the situation, but while in the midst of it look around. Can you see how the event(s) is/are enabling you to become a better person or maybe change your mind about something?

Here is a nifty little test you can give yourself to see how resilient you are. I’ve taken some of the ideas from the article and the book they quote, ‘The Resiliency Advantage’, by Al Siebert, PhD. But the rest are mine. How many of these can you put a check-mark next to?

√  I am usually positive. That means I rarely experience road-rage, clean up after my dog with a smile and collect the mail with a sense of happy expectation instead of ‘bill-dread’.

√  I remain calm and cheerful when people say, “Maybe… but…”, “Absolutely! I will pay you next week…”, or “Of course I can fix it, but it’ll cost ya…”.

√  I am pleased, gracious, and still manage to work when the extended family arrives and is having such a good time they decide to stay the night… then another… then another… and yet another.

√  I laugh out loud when I do something silly and usually can find some humor in situations that are anything but funny.

√  I live, let live, and live and learn.

√ I can find my way around most problems/issues that arise. I have the ability to solve and love to help others to find solutions – even tougher things than whether to have a Cabernet Sauvignon or a Merlot with the main course.

√  I can still sleep at night even when I think things can’t get any worse than this.

√  I still smile and maintain a level of genuine amusement when I have asked a couple of other people who know me well, whether or not I can put a check-mark next to all of the above, and they respond, “No, um… not really!”

Seriously though, the article is quite informative and well-written. It is worthy of your reading time. (AARP November&December 2009, Mind and Body. Beth Howard. pp.34-37)

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By KimberlyWickham, October 6, 2009 2:22 pm

Don’t Worry – Be Happy?

I have been thinking about that post about the Glass Ceiling. I love it when things come across my desk that keep me thinking for days, don’t you? Anyway, I was mulling over the ideas of being able to create our reality when an old song suddenly popped into my head. That’s right, you guessed it – “Don’t Worry, Be Happy!” by Bobby McFerrin. That song was way back in the 80’s, wasn’t it?

As I recall, in the 80’s I worried about everything. I was a young-ish mother of a baby and I thought the world was a scary place! I had a friend who would groan every time that song came on the radio, “Ugh… if only it were that easy!” The song really used to irritate her. I found a difference in the way we perceived the song and a difference in the way we perceived life itself, in fact. Sure, we were both young and scared that our little boys might not be able to have a full life if the cold war was to annihilate the world as we knew it. The difference was where she saw a dark inevitability I saw a sliver of bright hope. I wouldn’t go as far as to say that it was a glass half empty – glass half full thing… it was more like my glass was half empty and hers was a quarter empty!

In those days I thought it best not to admit that I had hope and even when things looked so bleak I still had that little annoying optimism. Annoying anyway, to those who preferred to think the adult thing to do was to be pessimistic! The pessimists didn’t see it that way, they thought they were just ‘seeing it the way it was’ – being ‘realistic’.

As the years passed I was heartened by the end of the cold war and the promise of my son’s bright future. With each week, month, and year I slowly changed my outlook on everything. Even if I was seeing life in an ‘unrealistic’ way it just, plain felt better that way! I don’t mean I was listening to Pollyanna voices in my head – I merely learned to look over every situation presented to me and chose the more positive view. Not every situation had the proverbial silver lining, but I sure as heck was going to look for one. Something funny happened: the more I looked, the easier it was to find. I like to think I was playing a part in creating what I consider ‘my’ reality.

Call me crazy, call me airy-fairy, call me unrealistic… call me whatever you want. But know one thing; not worrying excessively does inevitably lead to happiness no matter which reality you choose. Try it!

Show your children that it just might work for them, too: http://www.kimberlywickham.com